In a society like ours, marriage is a norm. A norm followed so religiously that if you don’t fit in there, then you’re labeled an outcast. Why do some women feel the need to stay independent? A short take on how different women are…
Some women don’t want to be tamed. They want to go out into the wild, explore and create opportunities for themselves. Some women don’t want to be domesticated, for the one basic reason that they don’t believe this is the end for them. Some women are ambitious and inspirational, strong and steady and eons away from the reality that they are apparently supposed to be in. Some women, don’t want to get married.
Why and how do we decide our lives like this? Are we influenced or is that a conscious decision that we decide to make?
Bride to be, Mallika Jain is elated about her marriage. She doesn’t seem to be nervous nor is she getting cold feet about getting hitched. “I was apprehensive in the beginning when we decided to get married but I am looking forward to a whole new life,” says a very happy Mallika. She explains how a lot of her friends are completely anti-marriage and would rather be independent. “I tried telling them that marriage doesn’t make you lose your independence, but they’re so programmed to say no to marriage instantly that they are not willing to listen to me”, says Mallika. Undue pressure and emotional blackmailleads most women to marry out of their will. Especially, if they are weak hearted. The entire guilt that their family is depending on them for some kind of happiness haunts them making it difficult for them to stay rooted to their beliefs and decisions.
A tumultuous relationship between parents is a reason as to why children grow up feeling the need to not marry. They are affected by this and often question themselves as to ‘if my parents went through this, I don’t want to get married’ kind of situation. Psychologist Niral Shah, mentions that watching relationships break down around leaves you skeptical. “It’s very natural that women might feel like that. Some women are not wired to get married, take responsibilities or have children. It’s almost the same as men not wanting to do the same. The difference here however is you’re a woman! And it’s an understood norm in any society that women are required to do all these! It is unfair, but unfortunately this is the truth”, says Niral.
Anjanaa Damodharan, all of 23 is a junior copy writer at an ad agency. She is married to her work and career and having fun exploring her creative side. “My personal opinion is that it’s a total waste of time, energy and money and the whole concept of monogamy and staying faithful is very hard for a lot of people, especially our generation. It’s very difficult to stay tied down now particularly, though there are women who like starting a family, there are more who are career-oriented and very ambitious.”. Anjanaa goes onto say that if marriage requires a woman to say goodbye to a career then its best to say no to marriage.
In recent times, however women have learnt to stand up for what they believe in and to follow what they deem is best for them. The concept of marriage is something you might either believe in or not. Some get it, some don’t. And others dangle helplessly in between trying to make head and tail of this ritual called ‘marriage’.